Step Families Canada

Are Stepfamilies Complicated??

2012-02-25T13:05:00.000-06:00

Yes, they are more complicated - that's the bad news - the good news is that they can be very productive and happy places to live. Stepfamilies can test you for what it takes to create a successful relationship. They are surprisingly interesting and empowering with the intricacies of family life.

After more than three decades of divorce and family break-up we still don't quite know what to make of stepfamilies. We loved the Brady Bunch, but that was before we discovered how unreal they were. Now that stepfamilies embrace one of every three children and, one way or another, impact the vast majority of families, we can't seem to get past seeing them as the spawn of failure, the shadow side of our overidealized traditional family.

When we think of them at all, we see only what they are not--hence their designation as "nontraditional " families, heaped with unwed moms, gay parents, and other permutations that make up the majority of families today. By the year 2000, stepfamilies outnumbered all other family types - so we better get our heads around the fact that they are here to stay, we need to understand them and we need to support them.

Are you Living in a Stepfamily?

2012-01-06T19:37:00.000-06:00

A Stepfamily, or Blended Family is defined as: Any Couple, dating, married or living together, where at least one of the partners has a child from a previous marriage or relationship.

Many stepfamilies have tried traditional counseling methods with poor results.

Our proven methods will move you to finding workable solutions for your family FAST.

Adjustment to stepfamily life happens quickly

2012-01-05T20:44:00.002-06:00

Often couples are optomistic that when they remarry life will smooth out and settle down quickly. If your hope is that once the wedding vows are spoken your life will return to a "normal state" (whatever that normal state may be), you might be disappinted.

Because stepfamilies are such complicated families, it takes time for people to get to know each other and have the opportunity to create positive relationships. Research tells us that to develop some family history it takes at least four years. All things worth having is worth waiting for ..... and so it is with the stepfamily.

Myth - Stepmothers are wicked

2011-12-29T13:33:00.003-06:00

Based on the fairy tales we heard as children - Stepmothers can be depicted as not nice, kind, or fair. Therefore they are to be "suspect" members of the family and not to be trusted.

This negative concept of the stepmother role imparts us in a very personal way and we may be very self-conscious about our stepparenting. Research tells us that stepmothers have the most difficult role in the stepfamily.

Stepmothers have a huge opportunity to positively impact the lives of the children that they welcome in to their stepfamily with realistic expectations. Often children reveal (when they become adults) just how important that role was for them!

Myth - Love occurs instantly between the child and the stepparent

2011-12-29T13:29:00.001-06:00

This myth says that I will automaticlly love his or her children; or that the children will automatically love us because we are such nice people.

Of course this is not realistic. Stepfamilies are like a "full mean deal" - some of them are easier to love than others. Love can and often happens in Stepfamilies - but it takes time - it does not happen "over night" or because we "want it to happen".

Stepfamilies are often places where it is hard to accept that sometimes we are willing to have a relationship with someone who is not willing to have a relationship with us. We often get hurt in this process and can become resentful and angry.

Having realistic expectations is a good place to start with the Stepfamily. We worked on respect as an initial step. Love did happen but it came after respect and a willingness to be part of this new family and to let love happen again.